So this post is basically an update of my life in present. What I struggle the most when I'm in adulting phase are my career & romantic relationship.
I want to talk about my relationship after I graduated on 2017 until now. So, I've knew this guy during I was study in KUIS and up until I have graduated, we're still contacting each other. We're on LDR btw. Long story short, he distanced himself & I got confused. I missed him & he didn't miss me the way I do. Then, after few years I feel like our relationship is hanging, I decided to end our relationship because I was hurt so bad. After few months or so, he got married. My heart broke into pieces.
After that sorrowful moment, I was single for as long as I can remember until one of my ex-colleague said that she never saw me in relationship with someone. That word made me wake up from my sadness then I wanted to find someone new. I decided to give it a try on Tinder app!
I was very innocent before but after I installed Tinder and I get to know someone in that app, I was not innocent anymore. It's a really dangerous app for good girls because they can tend to have a culture shock. But luckily I was okay but still I have no luck in finding a new partner. I matched with plenty of guys but mostly were already failed during our talking stage & I didn't get the vibe with some of them.
With all that crazy moment with that app, I found a good guy at last! He is very sweet & gentleman. He really loves to prioritize me out of all things. But after I knew him for too long, he gets very obsessed even I go out somewhere alone or with my girl friends and there's guys in my surrounding, he would get really jealous. As if like the guys that I met along the way will fall in love with me at the first sight. That was just his imagination. And then there's a moment which when I get to busy working & I didn't got the time to whatsapp him everything, he got mad & questioning why I got no time even the simplest text. I got annoyed & cried of his paranoid. After several small fights & quarrels, I decided to end the relationship because I feel like I abused him mentally. When he got anxious & felt paranoid or express his obsession towards me I got annoyed & mad at him for making me annoyed. Its really toxic. He was a good guy but with mental issues. I didn't know how to calm him down. I tend to get angry & raise my voice to him. Not only that, he didn't have a job or any hobbies to fill his free time & just waiting for me to text him after I got back from work. I didn't judge him at all. I advised him to find a job (Idc what kind of job). But he didn't want to because he was not confident. I got slightly annoyed with that excuse. All and all, there was so many reasons and that's why I walked away.
After few months I broke up, I contacted my acquaintance on tinder. We got closed again but because of we have known each other for 3 years, I would like to step up our relationship. I do really like him. He was tall, same age as me, a shy + ego guy. But seems like he gave me mixed signals & I was confused. I gave him a hint & even directly. But no replies. So I got bored and just left him hanging.
In the midst of my confusion, I met a new guy. He's maybe 2 years younger than me but taller. Sweet, gentleman, shy. Tells me what he wants. But after he got new job offer, we rarely meet each other & he just palau me in a month! I was sooooo lost because I was already comfortable with him and liked him, but I couldn't take this matter seriously if he wants to palau me all of the sudden. I was all alone. Going out alone.
But lastly I'm not alone anymore, I met a new guy again haha! I hope he is going to be the last one cause he did met my family. He is 1 year younger than me but more matured and can be childish at the same time. Serious + goofy is just a perfect balance! He got a career. He buys me expensive things. He pays for me everything when we're on a date. Willing to sacrifice his sleeping schedule & forgets his tiredness to meet me...have a quality time with me. He has all of the 5 languages! He masters the act of services which i really really love!!!
Above all that, because of I met few guys before getting the right one, I have learned their different personalities & traits. I threw away all of my ideal characteristics of a man. What I have learned all the way is getting a same level as you (sekufu). The way we think, our background education, family background, toxicity & everything. So it's worth all the pain & heartbreaks. My dating advice to all single girls out there, just do NOTHING (except for doa). Meaning that, don't put your effort yet while in the talking stage. Sit back & relax. Why? After you married, you will be going to put two times effort 200% in a relationship because it's different when you're married & going to be a mother.
So, I hope in 2022/2023, there's no more heartbreaks. Let's just pray we all going to find our soulmate & live happily ever after :)
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